Hmm...Many days went by withou blogging..hafta suppressed all my sudden thoughts and incidents that i witnessed and wanted to share it with everyone ..but i could'nt. Due to the fact that i had not unpacked my computer (last few weeks) cos i was simply lazy..keke

My Emotions nowadays: Feeling Cranky and escalating stress that is building up as the nearing of my Prelims . Could'nt seemed to endure any sort of inconsistancy from any of my friends ( the insincerity,the lateness etc..) although i know that i suffer from these bad habbits myself ..but i just cant seem to be as understanding as i used to . Because in the past i was'nt this stressed and uptight and probably able to take in more craps than present ,and with all the problems that my close friends are experiencing right now..that kinda limit my patience.
One should probably fathom that my short temper does not occur because im stressed (only) but that in the past im more equipped to deal with their lack of sensitivity , irresponsibility and "heck care " attitude (not that im claiming that im a saint or anything of that sort but plz try to understand that i cant always be kind and nice to you especially when i used to have a past record of being a "tactless and easily frustrated" person )

Deeply embedded into the culture of being a motif -> "Nice and Understanding " person (at least credit for no lack of trying right? haha) i just wanna *wave a white flat and give up now.
This is my limit , i deperately wanna be the "spoilt brat ME" , The "dun mess with me " and please don't take me for granted ...Please dO CAre and lavish your concern on me because despite all the advices that i once dealt out and trying to seem nonchalance about the emotional burden that is rapidly piling up..*I seriously need care and understanding now..

Actually i know that my inner circle of friends may feel that " Jolyn ..actually u are also a selfish , timely short tempered , impatient person who is only constant at being late (which is a paradox as i hate people who are late..eh come to think of it , its not ironic because i don't like to wait for people thats why im always late ..to avoid the waiting part ..*SErious* ) Therefore i aint the nice and understanding person as i claimed to be (in above paragraphs) . I Agree...but lemme tell you although what i give out to everyone , may not be the best or the nicest treatment that one have experienced but IT IS THE BEST THat I HAVE and Tried sO HARD OVER THE yEArs to CUltivate ..ITS NOT EASY..THIS IS the BEST that i can Offer although it may not seem much to most or any of you.
LAstly this is'nt a battle with anyone outta there (except Alevels ) but a battle within the struggling me . I yearned to be as Happy , as Carefree as i portrayed but one knows that *Appearance does not amount to Reality * and maybe no one will know the way im feeling currently as the intricate mask that i have mastered over the years have been polished finely.
One Loophole exist ..when last friday pearl keeps bugging me for the reason to my repetitive *sighz* which was when i realised that i was'nt putting up a good front as i normally would. Guess she saw through me even before im willing to let anyone get a glimpse of the *sad* me .

WHY am I lIke this?? *i DUnno..you tell me? Lastly i love to share a sentiment with you , that i found ,which rings rather familiar to me ->Its necessary for me to state that I saw clearly that it would be a dishonour to myself to even continue an acquaintance with such a one as you had shown yourself to be ?That i realised the ultimate moment had come and recognised it as being a great relief? ( If you thought that this comment is for my friend then you are dreadfully wrong cos its not. Or if the tone of this comment sound hurt and spiteful then please let me lament that in my case its not either..as Oscar wilde stated there ..Its Pure relief..To reflect and attain enlightenment)
COnclusion : I Hope this entry will not offend anyone cos its not meant to be . Its just a spur of feelings that im experiencing right now ..im just not particularly elated right now..hence please don't start getting upset with me okay? tHanKz. :p
9:06 PM