TRampled and Sore Ego...
Sunday, November 28, 2004
First of all , i decided to void my last entry (in you memory at least) ..the content in it are not well developed . Come to think of it , i feel that there are afew instances whereby platonic friendship do occur on a more intimate basis afterall . Hence as the conflicting person that i always am , i feel that people of different gender could behave intimately and remain friends. (hahah...i was too harsh in the last entry , aint i?)
Anyway , the topic of this entry is - eh..sounds kinda like a G.P essay eh? Ok , not going to torment any of you hence there will be no Topic sentence. This would simply be in the structure of the flow of my current thoughts . Abit disorganised ,nonetheless it reflect my true feelings .
JOlyn is feeling rather upset now.Due to a particular incident that happens an hr ago.
I went J.P to meet one of my close friend (a guy) for dinner . After that we went into CityChain which as you know is a retail shop selling watches . L.S (his name) asked me to choose some nice female watches , and give comments . Given my blur and quick to jump to conclusion personality , i thought that he might be asking me to choose a present for myself .Actually any person in their right mind would think so , as he asked about female watches , which DKNY watch looks more refined ..*blah...Lastly he mentioned casually that it was for a girl , whose birthday is nearing . Of course upon hearing that , i felt excited and alittle happy . Eh its a DKNY watch that cost over 170 bucks and its quite nice lor. However when i recommend another DKNY ladies watch that has "diamond studs" on its face but cost over 230 bucks (that one was ultra nice lo) , he quickly retort that the girl is not suitable for this type of watch . She works in City Bank and needs a more formal watch . It was then that I felt sad as when i heard that, my heart kinda drop alittle and i am kinda dazed . I mean , its not that im being materialistic or that i want an expensive present .
Over this 6 years of friendship , he has never once given me any present and in turn i have never demanded one from him . I was never unhappy even when we do go out on festivals like Christmas and there was no present . Because we are darn good buddies and present is not the essential reward for our closely knitted friendship .
BUT..my birthday is two weeks later and he is asking me to accompany him to a watch shop and help him choose a fantastic watch for this girl that he may likes , but know barely less than a year . To top it off , her birthday is only 2 days after mine - Dec 8 . Although i dont ask for a watch , much less a DKNY watch .Dont you think that its cruel to ask me to do all that , while he did not even plan on buying a similar present for me? CHOOse a present for her while i get nothing or something much much less? I felt so BAD...6 years ..so Cruel...ask someone esle to choose la <- my disjointed thoughts at that point of time .
Of course i tried to act nonchalent and continue to help him to choose the appropriate watch for her . I guess my disappointed facial expression must have shown through because when he says the girl birthday is on dec 8 , two days after mine , the thought must have occured to him that my birthday is near too. He then went on to ask me what i want , something that is economical of course he says. But by that time i was too crestfallen to lament any coherent reply . We went to JENNIFER , where he tried to make up and choose some skirts and tops , intending to buy them for me . (the clothes cost less than 50 bucks ..although the price is'nt the vital issue but my ego is trampled badly . Did anyone realise the gap between the Watch and my intended birthday present?Yes..its the thoughts that count and not the price ..but did you notice that in this case the price portrayed the thoughts? )
Well , we did not buy the clothes after all too because he says i dont look nice in them . I was actually fine with that as by that time i did not really want him to buy me a present simply because he was guilt-stricken .
I believe it is not his fault , he was just being a little insensitive and me -overly sensitive . Present or not , he still remains my best buddy because present does not dictate the path of my friendship . BUt my ego is hurt . If price indicates the level of friendship then i must not have meant much to him . It would be better if he did not intend to buy me a present then i would not have any thing to compare to . But the dire results portrayed so..nonetheless i hope the blissful girl likes the present BECAUSE I chose IT!! keke...I have Great TAste .
Lastly , this holiday feels GREAT ..
i wanna play badminton , tennis , volleyball all day long . By the way , im going SunSet Bay Tomorrow with my classmates. Im going to have FUn , FUn , FUn . How about You , You , YOU ..YOu can COme too..too ..too... ( eh the last part was meant as a joke ..not a real invitation .Its there because it ryhme with the rest of the sentences keke . )
Lonely?CAll your friends , they can curb the loneliness..especially your guy friends.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
I am a confused person today . As there are things in this world that i could not fathom out - the reasons and what is ethical , moral or "right" in this society? No..do not be quick to judge me here , i aint trying to act "Chim" nor am i too engrossed in "Jude the obscure" (a Novel) .
Nowadays i keep seeing many of my gal friends being overly chummy with their so called Guy best friends . Please do not be offended because im simply stating how i feel about the issue which has been a perplexing issue for me, for quite some time.
That if one consider the other gender as platonic friend , then one should not be too physically intimate with "him" . Because no matter how close you two are , if the "Line" is crossed then platonic friendship may not remain that way for long . The Difference in gender is a segregation that should not be ignored as it may
lead to an unexpected outcome - Love , Lust . I said "May" not Will .
Personally i feel that if girls go around being too physically close to her self- proclaimed guy friends then they should not blame the guys for liking them . Because YOU kind of lead them to it. Don't go around saying "I did not mean it in that way , i just want to remain friends ..only friends. " I mean , if you seriously want to remain friends then dont go holding hands or hugging them, no matter how innocent the gesture may seem to you . What your little pure mind may think , could be entirely different from a guy's mind. Please remember that most guys are ruled by their "lil brother" and not their brain , lust or love may simply be their intention . As quoted by Claudio in MUch Ado about Nothing -Friendship is constant in all things , except in Offices and affairs of Love. And trust no agent , for Beauty is a witch .
I sincerely offer my condolences to the 'pitiful' souls out there who are getting tormented immensely and does'nt not have enough strength to get out of the 'spiderweb' that you nice female buddies have entrapped you in it , innocently of course.
Last but not the least , i aint trying to be sarcastic here or even critical . Just merely being sceptical about what is right and what is harmful to others. However i do know that there are many out there who may not agree with me . And i aint trying to be a saint here , although not for the lack of trying .I mean im not a nice and kind person either , never am and never will be . For all the moral and ethical notions that i have just brought up , i aint no Moralist either . I choose people to be nice to , friends to be kind to and torture the rest out there with my "overwheming hipocrisy" . Hence thats why i say im confused , its a complex world out there. I am a conservative and narrow minded girl . Do pardon my ignorance that is not to be flaunted but may seem glaring to you.
I aim at no particular person . i just feel that everyone has melted and mould into a single sex . Btw gay friends are not included in my above dilemma as being intimate with them , may simply be like being with your girlfriends . Hence they are an exception .
Exams causing Breakout on mOi face..SIghz
Monday, November 22, 2004
Hey!~ Exams gonna end on wesnesday (at least for me) and im going to blog much often. I have Literature Paper 2 tomorrow and Geography paper 2 on wesnesday . One may ask me If im ending my exam on tuesday , then what am i doing here , online?? hahha Okie..will blog after that eventful Day. See ya till then
Why do Holidays come , when i cant enjoy them?? Cruel Life..
Saturday, November 13, 2004
*Chey* My last blog entry has not been uploaded..due to Bucky's Laptop that has a short "lifespan" of 3 hours whenever you bought it out without it's Brother -the CHARGER. Hence once again i have wasted my time busy typing away ,competing with the POWERFUL TIme which gives no leeway , even when the poor ME is pressed for time-the A Level. Well , one may ask me ,why am i happily blogging away even though A level are not over yet. SImple- because I have just found out after the Management Paper that i have taken yesterday , that it was way more difficult that i have anticipated. And studying may not necessarily made the exam easier . HAhaa...at least to me ,that applies to MGT P2 .
Ask any of my classmates and they could have imitated my -SAd , upset face easily. Especially G.Q who have been hearing my complaints from 5.30 (when the paper ends..) to 8 even when we were on our way home , on the bus . ( Yup , even during the bus ride i did not let him off..haha Sorry , G.q . I compensated that with 1/3 of the Blue Coral sprite yesterday right? haha , it is 1/3 because Aliah and wan ru paid for it too. haha) Anyway , stop digressing. The paper was darn weird , rather different from all the past year papers that i have been doing ar. HAiz...what am i going to do for the rest of my A level subjects?? AHHHHHHHh Lemme Skip this part of my lIfe...please...pretty pretty please.
Life have always been rather kind to me. I hope for the next two weeks , things will get better for me. *Jolyn "scrunched" her face , her facial expressions rather comical..OOh..she is actually Praying for her A levels , praying to get easier papers that are to come by next week . Oh my , what a weird way of praying ...
Anyway , to all the MAlays outta there . (Am i being rude by calling them the MALAYs??AIyah don't care lah , Pearl have always been calling me a CHI-NA ..what) HAve a HAppY new year ..HAri RAya...
(Im so HAppy that the FASTING Period are over . Because i have already offended quite a number of teachers and classmates . )With my reckless questions of "jio-ing" Pearl , MARIAM , Nasser and ... for Breakfast when they cant . I keep forgetting and still went on to the extent of offering them Food and snacks but justice was served . As i got a barrel of scoldings in the end. hahaha.....I would have to apologise to Mdm ZA soon , as i have been eating in her class , in fornt of her during consultations when she has been Painfully FAsting . Lets just say that im a forgetful and inconsiderate person.Hereby i sincerely apologise to all those that my insensitivity has incurred the wrath of . Keke.. ( i don't sound sincere ..do i?? haha Yah , thats the intended tone . *winkz)