My Love as Silence
Silence is a kind of answer
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Usually one you may not wanna hear.
Silence at times depicts lies, acceptance, avoidance..
I want words, understanding pats
But I got none
What I got was silence..
Deafening silence that kills happiness and breed animosity all over
I am sorry I wanna say..
I wanna take back the hurt I caused
I wanna hug
Let everything fall back into place
Like a jigsaw puzzle
Between me and you
A gap that once seemed so near
Became so far that I couldn’t bear..
To see you, the face that once etched so deep in my mind , my heart
Im not who u think im ..
nor the love u have for me is for me.
Cos I am not the person u think im
The person u love , may be the person u created of me.. not ME
Let love go
Let me go if ur love is not of me , for me
Because im not the perfect person u want
Unconditioned positive regard is the essential
To love me and everything about me
The flaws u see , is a bright sign saying
"hey that’s jolyn you see! "
No one loves me like you do.
In this case
The you is me…..
I love myself more than anyone else
And that’s why im happy
Because no one can loves me the way I do.
Love is silence
Silence depicts emotions more than words can express
And so I love you
Silently…at the side
Behind the pillar
You never know
Cos my love is silent
Intangible and invisible
Life is beautiful...but a tint of dust spotted
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Hey guys...Hows everyone?? Hope everyone that i am in contact with or even those that i selom hang out with, are ok and happy.
Im happily spending the rest of my holidays , unfruitfully but contended with my life. After 3mths later, i finally found back my smile and the yearning to live , like never before. Thanks Kai ni , Devin , Wei Qi, Jonathan and Phil(whom i met yesterday, he sure is an interesting character man, fold up his jeans and wearing cap at 2am...Quite cool!~~haha..nah, i fathom it was rather bo liao , but who am i to comment when half the time i wear my JSS T-shirt everywhere and anywhere. As GQ would have put it,i have no fashion sense whatsoever. :p)
They were so much fun , we go Chevron for our singing session (crazy man...especially Kai ni who constantly have to change the lyrics and make singing with her a hard chore...hmm maybe she did that so that she can sing all by herself...hahhaa) Then there were nights , we went to West Coast Mac or climbing the "spider web" to slack the night away. We can even slack at taman jurong Mac roadside, sitting around in a group and chatting about anything under the sun. Life's Great with friends...even when Xiao Jun nagged about me being too noisy or Kai ni and Devin disturbing me about my chinese pronounciation of "Liang ge" which i said "yang ge".
*Sigh... Am i overly friendly?? I have some kind of weird (a tad romantic) sms from my longtime buddy since 14yrs old...we are such great friends, i really cannot envision something other than that. I may have lead him on the wrong way at one time or another, im sorry if i ever did that subconciously.. The only guy whom i can have romantic inkling with , who is still my great buddy , is Kelvin cos we are just too gd together, he knows me like no one esle...haha he is like my "tortured bf" who do everything for me but is still my buddy..i Love HIM!!! But nah, we are friends...he cant find passion with me and i cant either .. :p
I fathom that im rather poor in telling guys i cant be in a r/s anytime or in short 'rejection' . That aint my forte..honestly speaking i dont care if you (a guy) like me cos unless u are a psychopath or stallker..its perfectly fine. I mean who am i to stop someone from liking another person , its not my place to tell anyone what or who they should or shouldnt like . I hate it if anyone tells me not to like Ronald..hahhaa although my mum does that often but i never let that get in my way. :) Anyway its easier not to reject a person directly , let them fall outta love/like with you and its easier to maintain friendship that way . However for once , i choose the harder way out and do it directly over the phone (hey thats the best i can k) cos this time round i respect the person and our r/s garner that bit of respect from me. I love myself more than anyone esle does. I pity my future husband ..haha
*sigh...im sadz still