Dear Diary :

I have officially been bumming around for 3 months and im seriously on the verge of Rotting away...till decomposing do us apart .
Most of my guy friends have gone to serve the national service while the girls start to work . That leaves me with little or practically no friend at all. How sad is that? Not very...because being the Full-time Bummer that im and a professional one at that , it would have to take more than 3 months to let me get sick of this "job" .

Anyway , recently one of my close friends has lamented that The Jolyn now has changed ..not for the better and sadly for the worse . He/She (the name -O) feels that im not as nice as before , the Jolyn that O used to know has vanished and leaves behind someone that has an undesirable character . Nope , O did not say it in an insulting manner , rather in a melocholny tone .
Being the usual Egoistical me , i find that somewhat depressing . I have no idea as to why O claims that and it hurts to hear that . I mean from the start , i have never try to lie that i have a "nice and ultra kind" personality . I reckon that to almost everyone , i have more or less "informed" one of the fact that i aint a very nice person , and only to certain people will i be nicer than "usual" .

I admit that i have always favoured O more than most of my friends thus resulting in them being green with envy , due to that . And for that perservance which i tried to be on my best behaviour around O , i have reaped in return ...a sad name -Changed .

Disclaimer : Im sorry , i have lied . I have tried desperately to shield you from the cold hard truth - that im a not a nice person at heart . I have omitted that particular crucial fact from you . I have tried hard to be nice , to shower care and concern and restrain any form of temper that may upwell along the way . Yes , i have behaved badly , im not who i show you to be . For that , i have lied .
But i don't think i have changed much , as i went to ask some of my close friends for some self reflections . I have always been this bad tempered and alittle nasty (if i may say so....alittle that is ) . And even if we were lovers , the honeymoon period has passed , and the real me cant be shield by the clouds always . Now the moonlight shone as brightly and clearer than ever . Im Sorry ...This is Me.

Lastly , what hurts me the most was O actually asked me if im a materialistic person . If i yearn for money more than feelings . Just because i have openly claimed that im shallow and everyone is more or less materialistic to certain extent , the question or rather the thought of O even questioning me of this "trait" was unforgivable (not literally , simply to portray my grieve ). My close friend , someone whom i held in high regard , actually fathomed me that way. Im ashamed and alittle insulted . Anyone can ask me that question , but not you , not any of my best friends . I forbid ! Is my intergrity worth that little in your heart ? How could you even think of asking me that question? I wonder at the question which at first seemed humourous but stings later .

*NAh , im just exaggerating alittle . Im just upset . It is just a small matter -heehee :) 10:40 PM